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Lost my mojo

April 22, 2016

This week I’ve been a bit down in the dumps as they say,… my ‘get up and go’ has got up and gone,…a bit out of sorts,….I’ve lost my mojo…


I suspect this is due to a number of small situations, kind of building up – I suspect the catalyst is the post sesshin (Zen retreat) slump, last week (my first week back) I was still riding the sesshin high, but now like a child who has eaten too many sweets I’ve come crashing down, a spiritual sugar low.


My old and now re-occurring back injury prevented me from going to Aikido on Monday, and to be honest I’m finding my Aikido at the moment a little lacking focus or direction, we have been covering the 3rd kyu syllabus since August (2015) and there is still no word on a date (month or otherwise) when the grades begin.


This week our company has been beset by I.T. problems, our server crashed last weekend, so our IT consultant had to come out and ‘jerry rigged’ a system together so we had a basic email system running on a remote cloud platform, intermittent internet access and we’ve been without WI-FI most of the week, yes I know not the end of the world but when we think we’re a ‘communications and electronics company’ it’s a bit pathetic really, mind you that’s what happens after years of under investment in the antiquated IT systems we have here.


It has amazed me though how much we base our lives around technology these days, the shift to technology based systems in the last 25-30 years is truly staggering.



I had a bit of a strange dream the other night, one of those dreams that stays with you for a few days afterwards and the more you think about it, the more sense it seems to make……..

…….I dreamt that there was a small meeting a I was introduced as a practicing Buddhist and I seemed to be wearing saffron robes, however when I looked down it was just my wife’s orange throw we sometimes use on the back of the sofa, I was so desperate to look the part of a Buddhist, that I was wearing this orange throw blanket.


So what did I make of this, well at sesshin (Zen retreat) during dokusan (private interview) with Sensei I brought up the possibility of receiving Jukai (receiving the precepts, ‘becoming’ a Zen Buddhist) I was quite convinced that Sensei would have agreed, I began practicing with this lineage about ten years ago. Then had a break when I moved house, then the group broke up, but instead he told me to ask him again next year, well the finances as they are, I’m fairly certain I won’t be at the Crosby retreat next year (although I will try for the shorter city retreat).


I guess this brought up the question of why I was so keen on being able to ware my rakusu (which I bought in January, and still slowly sewing) why was I so desperate to look the part of a Buddhist, and what did that even mean anyway, to ‘look like a Buddhist’


Anyway, that’s been my week…

My plan is to get to the gym nice and early on Sunday and kick start next week with some positive energy and a nice swish of endorphins in the brain, and start next week on a much more positive level.



From → weekly blog

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