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I want to believe

June 23, 2017

I remember watching the X-Files, with the poster in Fox Mulder’s office showing a UFO and the words ‘I want to believe’ – I feel like that with my faith at the moment, and so last month I set a very specific time weighted goal and I’m chanting to the Gohonzon for actual proof.

Nichiren in his writings told his followers not to act in blind faith, but to carry out the practice from a position of actual proof.

I’m not telling the SGI leaders about the goal, in the past when I’ve tried this kind of practice, I was told that the goal wasn’t specific enough, or I hadn’t set a time scale, so this time I’ve set a very specific goal and time frame, and will continue to chant until the end of July, to see what happens.

I want to believe in the ‘power of the Gohonzon and Nam Myoho renge kyo’, but I’m not willing to follow it blindly.

 

I’m in a bit of a lull with my training at the moment, I know that progress follows a series of uneven steps, sometimes the vertical rises are higher and they take longer to climb, sometimes the horizontal parts are extended and take longer to walk along, but I’m a firm believer that if I keep going and giving my full effort, progress however small will be made.

A lot of this come down to our perception of our own progress, a story I’ve told on here before is that of Aikido Sensei Paul Derrick, one Sunday class (years ago) as it turned out I was the only student there, and I mentioned that I felt I wasn’t making any progress and all I could see were my own faults, his reply was something I’ll always remember – this in itself is a sign of progress, as I’m perceiving faults that have always been there.

I also need to remember to ‘chill out’ more, enjoy the journey, and remember that I’m only a beginner, and not to compare myself with the green belts and brown belts in class, allow myself to make mistakes- and learn from them.

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